Pious folkster, looper, and sometimes mid-set painter, Joseph Arthur plays often-brilliant semi-soused sets of guitar-tap mastery. -S.T. Tickets are available @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 The Media Club, 695 Cambie, Vancouver, BC

Art punk, heart spunk. Don't be surprised if lead singer Tim Harrington plants a big wet on you in the front row. Yeah, I'm talking to you! Tickets are $21.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

This Vancouver music festival brings a celebration of classic, world music, opera and jazz to the city. If you?re a fan of non- pop music or you are over the age of 45, this event is for you. For two weeks you?ll get to experience talented musicians playing inoffensive songs that are good for the soul. Doesn?t that sound nice? Wouldn?t you like to enjoy a nice cup of tea while watching these young whippersnappers playing nice music that the kids really should be listening to? This year the programming spotlight is Music Of The Americas, which will bring top performers from South America, Central America, and The United States. I?ll bet you just peed your pants with excitement.?P.B. Tickets are $34 - $119 Various venues. For more information call 604-688-1152

I was going to tell you a great story, but I have bluesy greed-rock stuck in my head and I can't concentrate. It?s like living in a world without stripes: imagine the further shrinking of skinny kids and the freeway carnage. I'm really freaking out now. Incidentally, Meg Griffin should get rid of that hat. ?S.T. Tickets are $39.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Vancouver, BC

Last year, Bryan decided to get married on the same day as the Wolf Parade show. I gave my tickets away. Bryan is a thoughtless bastard. The finest of the wolves, Victoria/Montreal's Wolf Parade return from myriad side projects (Swan Lake, the Handsome Furs, Sunset Rubdown, Frog Eyes) to play a handful of sweaty dates. Critically adored, experimental, and exceptional, the Parade's dual-vocal noise brilliance could make for the show of the summer. If Bryan decides to get married again this time, I'll soapy sock the hell out of him. -S.T. Tickets are $25.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

The two-day Stanley Park Singing exhibition kicks off with a performance Headlined by Neko Case. That means you?ll get a show capped off by a gorgeous young songsters plucking your heartstrings and controlling you like the ancient siren she is. That?s not a bad way to finish a line up of music that included Destroyer and Andrew Bird. Some might say that it?s the perfect conclusion.-P.B. Tickets are $30.00-$35.00 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Malkin Bowl, Stanley Park, Vancouver, BC

You know what the kids love to listen to these days? Soft rock accoustic folk jams. Yessir, nothing gets a high schooler more excited that listen to a guy sing softly into a microphone about lost love and the difficulties of life. In case you haven?t detected it by now, I?m being sarcastic. I?m sure that this guy appeals to swooning young women and jackass college guys with a guitar and an irrational sense of confidence, but everyone else will find him boring. Unless they are boring people themselves, then they?ll love Josh Radin for all the qualities they share with him. ?P.B. Tickets are $15 Biltmore Cabaret, 395 Kingsway, Vancouver, BC

Boy George has been through a lot in his time. Drug addiction, court battles, bad media press, there is always something with Boy George. On more than one occasion he held people prisoner at his house and chained them up. He?s been sued numerous times for many reasons. One time he reported a false robbery that took place. One time he had to pick up garbage for the sanitation department as part of his community service. I thought celebrities always got away with everything-but I guess not. ?A.C. Tickets are $65 @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000 Commodore, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Occasionally, a hole in the English language is plugged by a pop culture noun-turned-adjective. The word "Radiohead" has come to mean anything that straddles that elusive line between critical acclaim and massive popularity. However, in this case, it refers to one of the biggest bands in the world. After reshaping the record industry with the historic PWYC e-release of In Rainbows, the band has hit the road. Since they?re just giving records away they could really use your concert cash. ?S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 UBC Thunderbird Stadium, 6066 Thunderbird, University Of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC

Wayne: "Who's playing today?" Tiny: "The Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles." Wayne: "The Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?" Tiny: "They suck." Wayne: "So it's not just a clever name" -From Wayne's World Country-tinged rockers and self-proclaimed "greatest rock and roll band in the world," Supersuckers, would contend that they do indeed have "just a clever name." -S.T. Tickets are $20 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Plaza Club, 881 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Soy un perdedor." -"Loser" by Beck In the pre-internet days (I'm dating myself), Beck dropped a brilliant, self-aware spoken-word ballad that playfully captured the '90s zeitgeist. Then, "Google" had not become a verb, thus figuring out the lyrics was left to radio (remember that?) listeners. Unfortunately, I didn't - nor do I - speak Spanish. I should apologize to Beck for mangling his masterpiece time and again. Sorry, Beck. -S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Even though I?m constantly confused by the fact that their accents rarely show up in their singing voices, I have to admit that I love British bands. They have a remarkable ability to play wide-ranging pop music and make it seem completely arty and pretentious. I?m not sure how they do it. Well, I know how Stereolab does it, at least. They have a lead singer who performs in French. If you want to make anything seem pretentious just add French. It?s remarkable how well that works. ?P.B. Tickets are $24.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

We all know how wonderful Stevie Wonder is, so clearly I don?t need to go into detail about how talented of a music pioneer he is. The tickets, surprisingly, are not that expensive. I was expecting over a hundred dollars, but Stevie isn?t about ripping his fans off. What a sweetie. ?S.B. Tickets are $49+ @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000. General Motors Place, 800 Griffiths Way, Vancouver, B.C.

"If you haven't had a can of rat poison in your hand and looked at it for 45 minutes straight, you haven't been in love? If you haven't practiced your alibi in front of the mirror, you haven't been in love." And so it goes with Chris rock, performing his usual hilarious shtick on his No Apologies Tour. Tickets are $59.50-85.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville St., Vancouver, BC

If zoos were named "museums," do you think it make animal observation more respectful? Maybe not. Either way, it's hard to sleep when out-there non-rock is playing with your ears and philosophical convictions. -A.C. (with S.T.) Tickets are $15.75 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 403-777-0000 Plaza Club, 881 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Of course there are battles in Brooklyn: every current worthwhile American band has crowded the budget-Manhattan. Not just blippers, not just pluckers, not just twisters, Battles bash together genres letting sounds fight for respite, replete with the occasional demonic chipmunk vocal, 4/4 nod, and fuzz twist. They're amalgam sublimity epitomized. -S.T. Tickets are $20 @ Zulu, Scratch, Highlife, and Red Cat Records Richards on Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

The freak of nature formerly known as Esther is going on tour for the umpteenth time to promote her newest album, Hard Candy. Seriously, this woman does not age. You should go just for the level of suspense that Madonna brings to the show. Will she use a British accent? Will she make out with another girl on stage? (I think the count is at 3 right now.) The surprises are endless. Plus she is a perfectionist with a ton of cash and some great tracks, so you know you will get your money's worth. -C.S. Tickets are $55-165 @ Ticketmaster BC Place, 777 Pacific Boulevard, Vancouver, BC

Some may think that a life with no age would be fantastic but that would mean no student/senior discounts, no 21st Vegas birthday, and Pedophilia would be accepted. Not that super after all. ?E.J. Tickets are $12.00 @ Zulu Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards St., Vancouver, BC

Carlos Santana has honed a style that no one ever gets sick of. He is the anti-trend. A true classic, you could say. The man is more popular, if not more so, now than he was in his heyday over thirty years ago. His slick Spanish guitar riffs make the perfect background music to a warm summer supper party or any event at all really. Catch this legend while he can still talk and tour, which is more than I can say for Bob Dylan these days. -J.T. Tickets are $39.50-$85.50 @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000 General Motors Place, 800 Griffiths Way, Vancouver, B.C.

Perhaps I'm not the best geographer; I thought that the only thing north of Whistler was a pre-Columbus-style end of the world. Evidently, I was wrong; my apologies to Pemberton. Typically, summer (aka Festival Season) can be a slow time for Canadian concert-goers. It's like England during the crusades. Most acts fly off to far a field festivals, of which Canada has few (Osheaga and Virgin are fine, but they?re not until September (and you typically don't camp out)). Now, thanks to a burgeoning town just north of Whistler, the summertime concert calendar has a shining bright spot: the Pemberton Festival. This year's inaugural event runs from July 25th to July 27th and welcomes a disparate though shockingly strong line-up of talent. Headliners include Jay-Z, Coldplay, Interpol, the Flaming Lips, the Tragically Hip, and Death Cab for Cutie. Also on the bill, and boasting palpable blog-kid cool cred, are Vampire Weekend, Black Mountain (apropos), MGMT, the Fiery Furnaces, MSTRKRFT, My Morning Jacket, Buck 65, and many, many others. Get a pair of Wellies and a non-smelly tent. -S.T. Three-day tickets start at $239.50 @ Pemberton Festival Pemberton, BC

Music criticism is fraught with phrases like, "borrows a Joy Division baseline," "hits a Jeff Buckley falsetto," and "revisits Surfer Rosa-era Pixies." With Girl Talk's mashup sublimity the traditional influence-vocabulary is made obsolete. By creating a stunning coital gathering of disparate artists, Girl Talk (Greg Gillis) has taken a bedroom kid hobby and turned it into an art form. Live shows are said to be frenetically fantastic. Beware of flying samples. -S.T. Tickets are $19.75 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

The freak of nature formerly known as Esther is going on tour for the umpteenth time to promote her newest album, Hard Candy. Seriously, this woman does not age. You should go just for the level of suspense that Madonna brings to the show. Will she use a British accent? Will she make out with another girl on stage? (I think the count is at 3 right now.) The surprises are endless. Plus she is a perfectionist with a ton of cash and some great tracks, so you know you will get your money's worth. -C.S. Tickets are $55-165 @ Ticketmaster BC Place, 777 Pacific Boulevard, Vancouver, BC

Soy un perdedor." -"Loser" by Beck In the pre-internet days (I'm dating myself), Beck dropped a brilliant, self-aware spoken-word ballad that playfully captured the '90s zeitgeist. Then, "Google" had not become a verb, thus figuring out the lyrics was left to radio (remember that?) listeners. Unfortunately, I didn't - nor do I - speak Spanish. I should apologize to Beck for mangling his masterpiece time and again. Sorry, Beck. -S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Orpheum Theatre, 884 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Carlos Santana has honed a style that no one ever gets sick of. He is the anti-trend. A true classic, you could say. The man is more popular, if not more so, now than he was in his heyday over thirty years ago. His slick Spanish guitar riffs make the perfect background music to a warm summer supper party or any event at all really. Catch this legend while he can still talk and tour, which is more than I can say for Bob Dylan these days. -J.T. Tickets are $39.50-$85.50 @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000 General Motors Place, 800 Griffiths Way, Vancouver, B.C.

I know there are many that disagree with me but I don't understand how these guys got to be so big and I can't believe people actually like them. And they've been around for awhile now. It makes no sense to me. They are so annoying. I am begging you, don't go. For the love of god, don't go!! Tickets are $29.50 - $39.50 @ Ticketmaster or 212-307-7171 Pacific Coliseum, 2901 East Hastings Street, Vancouver, BC

Several male alt-easy-rock fans can't stand up right now without risking embarrassment. Imagining a dusk dose of strumming from Hawaii's most famous troubadour has their pants suddenly stressed and uncomfortable. Their female counterparts can walk around freely, but with glints in their eyes. -S.T. Tickets are $46 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 UBC Thunderbird Stadium, 6066 Thunderbird, University Of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC

Perhaps I'm not the best geographer; I thought that the only thing north of Whistler was a pre-Columbus-style end of the world. Evidently, I was wrong; my apologies to Pemberton. Typically, summer (aka Festival Season) can be a slow time for Canadian concert-goers. It's like England during the crusades. Most acts fly off to far a field festivals, of which Canada has few (Osheaga and Virgin are fine, but they?re not until September (and you typically don't camp out)). Now, thanks to a burgeoning town just north of Whistler, the summertime concert calendar has a shining bright spot: the Pemberton Festival. This year's inaugural event runs from July 25th to July 27th and welcomes a disparate though shockingly strong line-up of talent. Headliners include Jay-Z, Coldplay, Interpol, the Flaming Lips, the Tragically Hip, and Death Cab for Cutie. Also on the bill, and boasting palpable blog-kid cool cred, are Vampire Weekend, Black Mountain (apropos), MGMT, the Fiery Furnaces, MSTRKRFT, My Morning Jacket, Buck 65, and many, many others. Get a pair of Wellies and a non-smelly tent. -S.T. Three-day tickets start at $239.50 @ Pemberton Festival Pemberton, BC

Last year, Bryan decided to get married on the same day as the Wolf Parade show. I gave my tickets away. Bryan is a thoughtless bastard. The finest of the wolves, Victoria/Montreal's Wolf Parade return from myriad side projects (Swan Lake, the Handsome Furs, Sunset Rubdown, Frog Eyes) to play a handful of sweaty dates. Critically adored, experimental, and exceptional, the Parade's dual-vocal noise brilliance could make for the show of the summer. If Bryan decides to get married again this time, I'll soapy sock the hell out of him. -S.T. Tickets are $25.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Anglophiles rejoice: Oasis finally returns. Do you remember when (What?s the Story) Morning Glory? broke and everyone was walking slowly down halls and blowing off Sallys? That was great. Noel, Liam, and those two other guys ? neither of whom are named Bonehead ? bring their anthemic Brit-pop to the Bell Centre. Say what you will about massive career declines, but you?ll get shivers as soon as ?Wonderwall?s? acoustic strums begin. One of the most prolific jean-jacket strummers in the history of alt- country, Ryan Adams, along with his stellar back-up band, the Cardinals, opens this so- disparate- it- might- work gig. Go. ?S.T. Tickets are $49.50-69.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 GM Place, 800 Griffith Way, Vancouver, BC

Pious folkster, looper, and sometimes mid-set painter, Joseph Arthur plays often-brilliant semi-soused sets of guitar-tap mastery. -S.T. Tickets are available @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 The Media Club, 695 Cambie, Vancouver, BC

Whereas rock for kids typically has a marked infectiousness and often has a mildly disturbing, colourful pedophiliac feeling, Kid Rock has an anti-infectious, faded zeitgeist aura with a mildly disturbing, increasingly countrified, grits and whiskey feeling. You can see the difference. On a related note, do you remember Fraggle Rock? That was a great show. Rev Run and Matt Mays and El Torpedo are also on the bill. -S.T. Tickets are $41 - $69 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 PNE Forum, 2901 East Hastings Street, Vancouver, BC

Words can kiss !!!'s (chk chk chk) blip-disco ass. Expect sweat, nonsense, and dishevelment. -S.T. Tickets are $25 @ Zulu Records Richard's On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Plastikman himself, Richie Hawtin, may not be able to bend like Rubberman or change-room spy like Mr. Invisible, but he can work up a damn good techno tizzy (yeah, I use the word "tizzy.") Like other spin superstars, Richie eschews the declarative "DJ" prefix; you know you're big when?-S.T. Tickets @ Zulu Records Celebrities, 1022 Davis Street, Vancouver, BC

Music criticism is fraught with phrases like, "borrows a Joy Division baseline," "hits a Jeff Buckley falsetto," and "revisits Surfer Rosa-era Pixies." With Girl Talk's mashup sublimity the traditional influence-vocabulary is made obsolete. By creating a stunning coital gathering of disparate artists, Girl Talk (Greg Gillis) has taken a bedroom kid hobby and turned it into an art form. Live shows are said to be frenetically fantastic. Beware of flying samples. -S.T. Tickets are $19.75 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Art punk, heart spunk. Don't be surprised if lead singer Tim Harrington plants a big wet on you in the front row. Yeah, I'm talking to you! Tickets are $21.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

With Brit-kids are still wrapped up in Klaxons new rave and - even better - the Teenagers ebullient dirt disco, their North American Chucks equivalent twitch to The Faint. Lucky Brits. -S.T. Tickets are $25.50 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 403-777-0000 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Boy George has been through a lot in his time. Drug addiction, court battles, bad media press, there is always something with Boy George. On more than one occasion he held people prisoner at his house and chained them up. He?s been sued numerous times for many reasons. One time he reported a false robbery that took place. One time he had to pick up garbage for the sanitation department as part of his community service. I thought celebrities always got away with everything-but I guess not. ?A.C. Tickets are $65 @ Ticketmaster or 416-870-8000 Commodore, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

This Vancouver music festival brings a celebration of classic, world music, opera and jazz to the city. If you?re a fan of non- pop music or you are over the age of 45, this event is for you. For two weeks you?ll get to experience talented musicians playing inoffensive songs that are good for the soul. Doesn?t that sound nice? Wouldn?t you like to enjoy a nice cup of tea while watching these young whippersnappers playing nice music that the kids really should be listening to? This year the programming spotlight is Music Of The Americas, which will bring top performers from South America, Central America, and The United States. I?ll bet you just peed your pants with excitement.?P.B. Tickets are $34 - $119 Various venues. For more information call 604-688-1152

Wayne: "Who's playing today?" Tiny: "The Jolly Green Giants and the Shitty Beatles." Wayne: "The Shitty Beatles? Are they any good?" Tiny: "They suck." Wayne: "So it's not just a clever name" -From Wayne's World Country-tinged rockers and self-proclaimed "greatest rock and roll band in the world," Supersuckers, would contend that they do indeed have "just a clever name." -S.T. Tickets are $20 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Plaza Club, 881 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC

Occasionally, a hole in the English language is plugged by a pop culture noun-turned-adjective. The word "Radiohead" has come to mean anything that straddles that elusive line between critical acclaim and massive popularity. However, in this case, it refers to one of the biggest bands in the world. After reshaping the record industry with the historic PWYC e-release of In Rainbows, the band has hit the road. Since they?re just giving records away they could really use your concert cash. ?S.T. Tickets are $55 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 UBC Thunderbird Stadium, 6066 Thunderbird, University Of British Columbia, Vancouver, BC

Have you noticed the rise in ill-fitting fedoras, shambolic little suits, and saxophone cases amongst Vancouver?s young white man population? It looks as though ska is ripe for a redux. Before you?re inundated with neo-ska or post-ska nonsense, check out these legendary innovators/originators. As a bonus, you?ll get to spend the weeks leading up to the show saying ?Skatalites.? -S.T. Tickets are $30 @ Zulu Records and Ticketmaster or 403-777-0000 Richards On Richards, 1036 Richards Street, Vancouver, BC

Even though I?m constantly confused by the fact that their accents rarely show up in their singing voices, I have to admit that I love British bands. They have a remarkable ability to play wide-ranging pop music and make it seem completely arty and pretentious. I?m not sure how they do it. Well, I know how Stereolab does it, at least. They have a lead singer who performs in French. If you want to make anything seem pretentious just add French. It?s remarkable how well that works. ?P.B. Tickets are $24.50 @ Ticketmaster or 604-280-4444 Commodore Ballroom, 868 Granville Street, Vancouver, BC